Constantly Trying to Please Others

I have found that one of the most exhausting pieces of being human is trying to make sure that everybody likes me. I didn't realize this was even a thing until I did Landmark Worldwide 7 years ago. 

They teach something to the effect that underneath so much of what we do, say, be is an effort to look good or avoid looking bad. 

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks - I am spending so much energy trying to be liked. Holy shit!! I personally found that this was a significant contributor to my anxiety. 

When I would feel like I upset someone or that they were disappointed in my actions, it would send me into an anxious downward spiral....sometimes even a panic attack. 

 What I went on to learn over the past few years was that what I was actually craving was to be like BY MYSELF. The more I've been able to cultivate a loving approval for who I am, the less reliant I am upon other people providing that for me. 

Don't get me wrong this desire to have people like me will probably never go away - it has lost so much of its power though. 

Here are 3 ways I have found that help me source more approval from within

1. Noticing the thoughts I'm thinking: I pay attention to my thoughts all the time. I notice when I am being mean to myself and when I'm saying kind thoughts. I stop the idea if it's going down a path that will invoke anxiety and choose a new one
2. Spending time with myself, alone: I used to never be alone, and I viewed any blank space in my calendar as something to fill immediately with productivity. Now I plan blank space daily and make sure I spend time alone on purpose. It's almost like I'm choosing to date myself!
3. Join a group program/networking group: When you decide to stop hiding from others, you'll realize that the things you struggle with are often a similar version of what every woman struggles with. Joining group coaching programs has dissolved many of my fears of being seen. Other people provide a powerful mirror to be able to see what's really going on under the surface, and they can help reflect back your light. 

If you're in a season of life where you are not being so kind to yourself, try these 3 tips out...over time, you will be less reliant on the approval of others because you will cultivate a genuine love from within!